Underneath the Underneath
by Raieth Star
Summary: Kakashi Hatake, just another eccentric ninja or is there something deeper, something horrifying lurking under the innocent black mask? The story of Kakashi told in dry analytical drabbles.


This idea came to me when I saw that Kakashi wore the mask even at four/five years of age. I've never written in this dry style before so this is an experiment all around. There are too many things in Kakashi's past that conflict and don't really make sense. This is my attempt to bring order to the chaos.

Minor AU and could possibly be seen as OOC. (I don't think so however as I don't believe Kakashi's nice guy act for a second. He drops it too quickly and too easily and it's never seen in flashbacks.)

Story is not told in chronological order! Not a oneshot.

WARNINGS: Torture, Violence, Blood, Sexual Situations (both slash and non-slash), Death

o0o 1 o0o

Contrary to what you might think, most people don't really wonder what is under Kakashi Hatake's mask. Different people don't wonder for different reasons. Those who have only known him as an adult assume it's a habit bred during his ANBU days. Those who knew him during his ANBU days assume it was because most ANBU wore the exact same thing to minimize the chafing that could occur due to the porcelain mask. Those who knew him before then assume it was something from his childhood, a habit or a goal or maybe something to remind him of his father. And those who knew him as a child wonder the least of all, as they can't quite remember a time when he didn't wear the black mask, it almost seems like he was born with it, as much a part of his face as his eyes or nose.

There are many ways that one could catch a glimpse under the mask, perhaps he was eating, or in the hospital, or changing, or any number of small activities where the black fabric fails to conceal it's secrets. But even catching a glimpse under the black fabric doesn't spark much more than idle curiosity as most see another mask, a genjutsu to dissuade the easily fooled. Of those that see through the illusion, many see only a flash of pale and assume it's just sun starved skin, filling in the blanks with their mind. Only a rare few actually _see_ what is underneath and this is where the real curiosity starts. For underneath the black fabric is not skin but white bandaging wrapped from nose to throat, with only an opening for his mouth.

There are a handful of people who have seen under the bandages, seen and _understood_ what they saw. They ultimately wish that they had not. Praying to gods that do not answer that they could become ignorant once more.

All of them, no exceptions.

o0o 2 o0o

Kakashi's messy sweep of gravity defying hair is one part genetics, one part laziness and one part ignorance.

There is only one mirror in Kakashi's apartment.

It faces the wall.

o0o 3 o0o

Kakashi was entered into the academy as a formality and graduated to Genin with top marks within his first school year. Only officially advancing a year of age due to a mid-September birthday.

He was five.

It wasn't because he was smarter than the others (which he was), and it wasn't because he knew more techniques than the others (which he did) and it wasn't because the teachers feared him for reasons that they were not comfortable exploring (which they were).

It was the body count.

o0o 4 o0o

Kakashi was correctly labeled as child prodigy at the tender age of four. What _exactly_ he is a prodigy _of_ is classified.

Even among the many prodigies and geniuses that The Village Hidden in Leaves seems to breed and attract, Kakashi is unique. He is not the smartest, or the fastest or the most skilled, or even the most well rounded, those titles are all held by others.

In a civilian village he would be vilified, locked away and never allowed to be free.

To a ninja village he is the most valuable type of person.

The type of person who naturally feels nothing when they kill. Not pain, not guilt, not remorse, not even pleasure.

Nothing.

Kakashi is a prodigy of assassination.

o0o 5 o0o

Kakashi's father, Sakumo the White Fang, made many enemies during his life. Enemies that would do anything to get revenge.

Kidnapping a retired kunoichi and her four year old son was relatively straight forward in hindsight.

A week later, a letter demanding him to appear, alone, at a designated location arrived. It was written by his son's hand and packaged with two of his wife's fingers.

It took twelve hours to find the kidnapper's hideout when they didn't show for their own party.

Kakashi was found siting on a table in an abandoned house, surrounded by dead bodies, calmly eating the last of his kidnappers rations. He didn't even seem to notice the blood that covered him so thoroughly, Sakumo hadn't realized it was his son until Kakashi told him mother was dead, and he wanted to go home and take a bath.

It wasn't until they got to the hospital that Sakumo realized how little of the blood was his son's.

The official report stated that it was his mother who killed their kidnappers, taking them with her in a grand heroic effort. In truth, she had been the first to die, trying in vain to stop the vengeful torture of her only son.

It would be a week before the healers gave up on repairing the damage. Muttered excuses and apologies drifted unheard through the air. The strange almost seal-like technique that Kakashi was tortured with wouldn't harm his son farther, but that was little consolation.

Sakumo Hatake wept the first time his boy pulled the black fabric up.

He would never see his son's bare face again.

o0o 6 o0o

Kakashi owns a signed copy of each of the Icha Icha books.

He has never read them.

The first time he read any Icha Icha book was with Naruto in order to decode Jiraiya's last message.

The ANBU Commander thinks the joke is even funnier now that Kakashi actively dislikes them.

Kakashi still hasn't decided on how to repay his boss.

o0o 7 o0o

Only one person has ever regretted seeing Kakashi's bare face for a reason that didn't revolve around horror, disgust and/or pity.

It turned out to be pure unadulterated sadistic lust.

It was supposed to be training for a newer interrogator, who having just failed his second Chuunin exam at the rather unexceptional age of 13, needed an introductory lesson on counter-interrogation, and how effective it could be. The target was Kakashi who, at 12, was soon to be promoted to Jounin. Not because he needed the lesson, but because he wasn't on a mission and had nothing better to do.

The concept was simple. Each knew something the other wanted. Loser had to pay for dinner. Simple.

Except that wasn't what the lesson was about. This was to see if the failed Chuunin could keep his head when faced with someone who shared a similar situation. And to make sure that his first encounter with such a situation was under controlled conditions.

It started with Kakashi strapped to a chair like the S-Class prisoner he would later become, and ended with both of them sweaty and limp and far less clothed than they had started.

It wasn't the first time for either of them, thanks to the nature of their profession, but it was certainly the beginning of something both hated and treasured in equal quantities. Emotional attachments are not things they can afford, but the allure of someone who wasn't and wouldn't be repulsed was too tantalizing for either to pass up.

Later when asked who won, Ibiki Morino scowled and stormed off and Kakashi just shrugged.

Neither had given up their secret.

They had been too busy sticking their tongues down each others throats after all.

o0o 8 o0o

This first time Kakashi felt something while standing over a corpse was during his eighth year of life.

Laying on the living room floor, grasping the hilt of his namesake, blood draining from a rapidly cooling body. Sakumo Hatake died, killed not by his legion of enemies but by his own hand.

And although Kakashi knew why, he couldn't understand it.

Couldn't understand the strain of raising a child who's moral compass was crafted from scratch, a broken mess of animal instinct and the shinobi code. Couldn't understand how failing one mission could so affect a man who was cast in the same light as the Sannin. Couldn't understand that some rules were not written, that life was precious and should be treasured, that sometimes… sometimes the mission was wrong.

Kakashi stood over his father's corpse and for the first time felt the stirrings of things he had never associated with death before. But mostly…

Mostly he was just confused.

o0o 9 o0o

The Chuunin exams are first and foremost a way to show off how powerful a nation is without revealing it's strongest fighters. 'If our children are this powerful imagine how powerful our fully trained shinobi are' is how the thinking goes. Especially impressive shows of strength often are followed by a marked increase in missions, and therefore money. And with open warfare right around the corner every display of power was needed.

Thus it's no surprise that the elemental nations stack the deck in their favour.

An interesting fact about the exams is that they are entered as 3-man Genin teams, not individuals. An eligible Genin team is one who: (1) Contains more than one Genin, (2) Is led by a ninja of Jounin rank, (3) Has completed a minimum number of D and C rank missions as a team, and lastly (4) Has been recommended by the Jounin leader as ready.

Minato gave two orders to Kakashi at the beginning of the exam. Don't kill anyone and win. A seemingly tall order to fill for an eleven year old.

To those who didn't know him it was an impressive show. A display of power and skill that many would remember for years to come.

Kakashi won the Chuunin Exam Tournament and brought fame to his village.

During the awards ceremony the Hokage had a strange little smile on his face when he handed over Kakashi's Chuunin promotion papers and vest. It was a smile that had the rumour mill grinding for months, and brought some interesting discrepancies to light for those that dug deep enough.

Putting Kakashi into the Chuunin exam was rather like putting a tiger in a hen house. The conclusion predictable and inevitable.

He had been a Chuunin for five years after all.

o0o 10 o0o

Kakashi hated the year he spent with his Genin team.

His teacher, Minato Namikaze the future Fourth Hokage, was tolerable for he understood what Kakashi was, and why he was in a Genin team in the first place. His teammates were weak and childish, and so innocent they never even realized that they were partnered with someone who was so stained with death and blood that his aura was forever marked.

A year of downplaying his abilities, pointless missions, of pretending to be something he wasn't. A year spent learning to be a functioning member of society, learning social cues, learning to function as part of a team.

A year learning how to fake friendship and the bonds that go along with it. A year denying that those bonds were not as fake as he pretended.

A year learning how to be a carefree jokester.

A year learning how to smile.

A year learning how to pretend to be something he could never truly be.

Human.


End file.
